Weblog
Sunday, 24 August 2008
-
These words I’m writing down are medication now each word heals me. I can’t seem to fall asleep without you next to me. We said goodbye, held you one last time. How we felt inside. The look in your eyes when we said goodbye never leaves my mind. My eyes are closed. My lungs breathe in, then hold. Exhale all of the fear of you not being here, I’ll pray for you. I’ll try my best to sleep without you next to me. I want to tell you when I get t he chance that I miss you if I haven’t yet. Without you here I’m such a mess. And all I can do is wait here for you. I’m waiting again.I’m a cloud hovering over the ocean. I’m the sunset that you never noticeI’m your silhouette painted on a tv screen.I am you, you are me. I’m your lungs when you can’t breathe.I’m the gust of cold wind that brushes against your sleevesYou could do without me, but you’d rather not.Practice makes perfectToo much makes a whore
A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets uring us to seize the day. Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possiblity under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking up is better than sleeping, & even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
Exchange the sunshine for brown eyes & dark skies. Replace this dull life with you. I'm sick of keeping my mouth shut, so I guess I'm like your legs, you slut. Yeah, I'm open for whoever wants some. Do you really want me? Cause I don't really need you, if you wanna leave me, well, I won't try & stop you
Medically speaking you're adorable. And from what I hear, you're quite affordable. But I like them pricey, so exaggerate and trick me
contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. it's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. its for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough.
honestly, i dont know what it is about him. i don't have a clue. but there's something, & just hearing his voice makes all my problems go away & everything is just okay. its like when he speaks, im content. everything, ever little bad thing that has happened to me throughout the day, magically goes away when i talk to him. it amazes me. just the fact that a simple voice can be so powerful.
by now you should know everything you say can and will be used against you someday. i got the microphone, so don't go too far. cause I'm gonna tell the whole world how you really are
if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude, it's because they have tried to blend into the world before and people continue to disappoint them.
Hey listen, Superman, please answer my calls. You see, I'm just a little girl and only human after all. Oh believe me, I've tried to battle hate and greed. But it's beginning to look like John Lennon was wrong, and love is not all we need.
running in circles its you I'm thinking of and if you don't want to talk then this isn't love. new destination ill say my goodbye with my back turned to you at least i know we tried don't leave me now we've come too far just to set our eyes on a new star and i'll ride on clouds till you come down just promise me you'll always leave the ground.
and sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on. and your friends, they sing along, and they love you. but the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap.
and sometimes planes, they smash up in the sky. and sometimes lonely hearts, they get lonelier and lonelier.
My ribs parted ways. They said, "we're not protecting that heart you have." Oh no, what can I do? My lungs are breathing open air, & my spleen is dripping from my pants. You've left me here in the cold & I miss you. You never told me it would be this hard. I think my body is saying, when you're not here, it's leaving me.
and it's bad news, I don't blame you. I do the same thing, I get lonely too.
I was talking to a friend today and you know what i realized? ever since I took the key to the house out of the garage, NONE, not ONE piece of my clothing has disappeared. It makes me wonder. I've been blaming the wrong person all along.
Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?
wounded people are dangerous - they know they can survive.
I've got something to say about the last 12 months I've lived
I'm not the same kid I was when I was younger
I just thought you should know,
I take a pill everyday to help me deal with life
And I don't wanna live like he did. I don't wanna give up before I die.
I often find myself wondering if people can see me suffering. If I never explain myself to them, can they see it in my eyes? Or am I just another person passing by? Just an acquaintance who looked just a bit blue.
So go ahead and slit those wrists, darling. Because he should be ashamed of what he did to you.
again and again. used.
I miss you, I mean really miss you, ache-inside miss you.
Saturday, 23 August 2008
-
Remember at the prom that nightYou && Me... © © ©We had a fightBut the band they played our favorite songand I held you in my arms so strongwe danced so close, we danced so slowAnd I swore I'd never let you go
I just know that he warms my heart, and knows what all my imperfections are. He says that I am the brightest little firefly in his jar
I thought we were invincible. But now I know that the things that people in love do to each other, they remember. And if they stay together, it's not because they forget. It's because they forgive
These break-up songs make sense again and I really wish they didn't. Sinatra's singing summer wind, and I'm thinking of the night we met.
You know, it's weird how you still love the person, you just stop needing them the way you used toor we could keep things just the same
leave here the way we came
with nothin' to lose
but I don't want to if you don't want to
but I want to
and I want youNothing can make something that happened, unhappen.Time flies. Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants is more time. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go. Time.So this is how it is. The innocent suffer, the guilty go free, and truth and fiction are pretty much interchangeable. There is neither a Santa Claus, nor an Easter Bunny, and there are no angels watching over us. Things just happen for no reason, and nothing makes any sense.there's only so many tears that you can cry
before it drains the light right from your eyes
and I can't go on that way
and so I'm letting go of everything we were
It doesn't mean it doesn't hurtthe days will always be brighter because you existed. The nights will always be darker because you're gone. And no matter what anybody says about grief, and about time healing all wounds, the truth it, there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken.Music is a total constant. That's why we have such a strong visceral connection to it. A song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment.You only want it ‘cause it’s over - it’s over.So I update this almost every single day for you
I begin to hate you for your face and not just the things you do
Nothing that you do is new to anything or anyone but youDon't be afraid. Every song has a coda, a final movement. Whether it fades out or crashes away, every song ends. But is that any reason not to enjoy the music?I hope you’re happyAnd completely lonelyLike my favorite record,
you're a little overplayed
And like my favorite summer
You'll never fade awayI should be out in that driveway stopping you
Tears should be rolling down my cheek
And I don't know why
I'm not falling apart like I usually do
And how the thought of losing you is not killing me
I feel bad
That I can stand here strong, cold as stone
Seems so wrong, I can't explain it
Maybe it's just I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb, baby I hate it
I feel bad
That I don't feel bad
How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know?
...
you didn't just take your life that dayJust a little tip: don't play games with a girl who can play them betterHeres to the liars & the cheaters
&& the cold mistreaters; to the Momma's boys who
can't make a stand. here's to the superficial players;
&& the "I love you" too-soon-sayers.
E| E| E| E| E| E| E| E|I'm just asking you to hear me.
could you PLEASE; just once; just hear me?
more than anything, you wanted to be right.
still it's you i can't denyWell, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.Good things aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything, even love, is not always a good thing.All I want to do is forget you. All I want to do is escape you and, you know, I can't.forever is a long time, and time has a way of changing thingsI know some day you will wake up as lonely as I am 'cause fate works both waysEveryone knows but they won't tell
But their half-hearted smiles tell me something just ain't right
I've been waitin on you for a long time
Fueling up on heartaches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in three damn nights
I put your picture away
I wonder where you've been
I can't look at you while I'm lying next to himYou are getting off easy and you know it. I'm not going to let you put up some false protest so that you can feel better about yourselfif you don't like being hurt, then please, don't stay.I was just wondering if you'd come along,
hold up my head when my head won't hold on.
I'll do the same if the same's what you want
but if not, I'll goI know we've had our differences, and I'm sorry we've been out of touch. Believe it or not, I was trying to make everything better. I know you're angry, but I hope you'll forgive me. Turns out sometimes you have to do the wrong thing. Sometimes you have to make a big mistake to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful, but they're the only way to find out who you really are. I know who I am, now. I know what I want. Everything's gonna be different now. I promise. From here on out, nothing's ever gonna be the same. Okay? I love yousome dance to remember
some dance to forgetI promise I will never leave
I want you always constantlyAnd along the side I wrote "getting over a three leaf clover that I thought was four."Life is built around changes.Do you think people can change? I mean truly change. I'd like to say yes but honestly, I don't really think people can change. You know at the end of the day, you are who you are and it's probably who you've always been.You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to be changed. And if even if they do you can’t change them, they have to change themselvesthe greater your capacity to love,
the greater your capacity to feel the painThe same as I love you
You'll always love me too
This love isn't good unless
It's me and youThe body is a slave to it's impulses. But the thing that makes us human is what we can control. After the storm, after the rush, after the heat of the moment has passed, we can cool off and clean up the messes we made. We can try to let go of what was.leave the light on
i'll never give up on you
leave the light on
for me too
back to me
I know that it comes
back to me
doesn't it scare you
your will is not as strong
as it used to beSomeday being with him will be a distant memory. This fact makes me sad too. It's like when someone dies, the initial stages of grief seem to be the worst. But in some ways, it's sadder as time goes by and you consider how much they've missed in your lifeAll girls are filled with this hope in their hearts that things are going to get better, that things are going to change. And maybe we're ridiculous because of it, but it's there all the time.you wouldn't understand if you tried"You'll get over it" It's the cliches that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don't get over it because "it" is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The articulation of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hold in my heart is the shape of you and no one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?The fantasy is simple: pleasure is good and twice as much pleasure is better, that pain is bad and no pain is better. But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something.Hey, no one knows what they have until they don't
and by then it doesn't matter anymore
you're all aloneNo matter how bad things are at any one moment, no moment lasts. Good or bad, time moves on because it has to. And so do you.A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
They disappear now
when I'm dreaming of your face -
pshh.. being in colorado sucks.
Was the first person to text you today a boy or a girl?
boy.
What is one question people always ask you?
"what are you up to today?"
people always wanna hang but i'm pretty much always working. haaa
What is the 6th text in your inbox?
Smile
:)
What's the last thing you said to someone in person & to who?
court. you almost ready to go?
Name something you have to do tonight?
concert
Where is your cell phone?
next to me.
Do you own an iPod?
yes.
What cd is currently in your cd player?
i dont use my cd player anymore
Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
chocolate milk.
Has anyone told you a secret this week?
yessahh
When was the last time you had Starbucks?
i drink dunkins :)
Can you whistle?
no.
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
nahhh
Do you get along better with boys or girls?
boys.
Do you sleep on your stomach?
occassionally.
What are you listening to?
tv
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
my mom
Which of your friends lives closest to you?
uh. katie.
What's bothering you right now?
nothing at allllllllll :)
Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
yesterday
What did you dream about last night?
i don't dream :(
Does your phone ring in the middle of the night often?
yes.. thats why its on silent when i go to bed
What gets in your way of your sleeping?
ehhhhhh
Do you know anyone that's married?
yes.
What's your favorite number?
seven.
Who was the last person that made you cry, why?
uhm. an ex.
Where are you going to be at 4:00 tomorrow?
hopefully still sleeping haaaaaa
What are some things you miss about your past?
none.
Are you jealous of anyone?
no.
Who was the last person you rode in the car with?
muhhhh friends
How many things in your past do you regret?
not a lot
Do you have a best friend?
yes.
Has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
yes.
What are you looking forward to?
going home
Who are the third and seventh texts (in box) in your phone from?
john and john. same person.
Are you upset with anyone?
no.
Do you talk to the person you have a thing for?
yes.
Have you ever gone to court?
almost. but i didnt show up. haaaaaa
Do you get jealous easily?
nope
Have you ever gone to the beach?
uh duh
Do you remember your music teacher's name from elementary school?
no.
How good is your eyesight?
pretty damn good
Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
no.
Do you have a Honda, Toyota, or Nissan?
none. i has a volvo.
Worst part about hugs?
letting go.
Ditched school to do something more fun?
yes. lol.
Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?
nah
Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
no
What's something that can always make you feel better?
friends
Do you have unlimited texting?
yes.
What's your favorite kind of ice cream?
oreo mint creammmmm
Have you ever liked someone who treated you badly?
yes.
Do you fall for people easily?
sometimes
Everything happens for a reason?
no!
Do you live with both your parents?
yep
Are you wearing jeans right now?
yes
Do you smile a lot?
yes.
Do you have any siblings?
yes
Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
a&f
Can you go on Myspace from work/school?
i dont have myspace. i gots facebook.
Favorite flower?
roses
Do you have a tattoo?
no
Are there things you can't live without?
yes.
Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
short. kinda.
What happened at 10:00 am today?
i was just landing here in colorado with my two of my best friends
Is your family just a bundle of fun?
haha my dads side.. oh yeah
Have you talked to an asshole today?
yep.
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?
yes.
Who's the last person you had a sleepover with?
court & nicole
Are you crushing?
mhmm
Do you use lyrics to express how you feel?
yes.
Are you ashamed of your past?
no.
Anyone close to you ever died?
yes.
Who's always there for you unconditionally?
friends.
What is your favorite TV show?
one tree hill
Who was the last person you yelled at?
uh i dont know?
What was the last compliment you recieved?
that i was very beautiful and awesome just the way i am. haha.
Are you going on vacation in the summer?
summer is kinda over and i'm on vacation right now
When was the last time you saw your best friend?
today!
What's your full name?
brittney .. like i would tell you my last name.
Are you happy right now?
mmmm yeah
What's the time?
7:45
Do you trust people?
eh, some people but not mnay
If you were someone else, would you be friends with you?
yeah
What is something you say when you're mad?
fuck.
What family member do you look like?
my mom.
What friend will be coming over to your house next?
no clue
Have you ever cried from being so mad?
yes.
What is your favorite beverage?
juice
Have you ever seen your best friends cry?
yes.
Are you friends with your neighbors?
some of them. some are creepy.
What do you do before you sleep?
call someone.
Where have you lived throughout your life?
california and maine
Last piercing you got?
ears.
that was a loooooong time ago
Where was your default picture taken?
on facebook? it was at a restaraunt
Have you ever teep'd someone's house?
yes.
Have you ever had a crush on your sister's/brother's friend?
ew. no.
What were you doing at 1am this morning?
not sleeping
Do you have any enemies?
yes.
What will you be doing tomorrow at this time?
uh not sure. i think going to the fair again.
When was the last time you drove more than 30 minutes?
to the airport. -
and dustin keeps singing.. i'm starting to believe the ocean is much like you, 'cause it gives and it takes away
I think it's okay that you're the only one who gets to me and I love how I can't quite breathe right as you slowly whisper in my ear, "beautiful, you owe me a dance tonight."
I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m not going to be okay. That maybe it’s not going to
work out in the end. Maybe that’s giving up hope but maybe it’s thinking logically.
I’ve had too much time alone to think about it. But it’s like I’ve had this time because
I actually give a fuck about people. I have compassion.
Apparently, I’m the only one.
I never got the memo to give up on the ones you care for.
i guess it's typical to cling to memories you'll never get back again
you dont find too many people who give you butterflies-- you just dont
"i know its a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, someone you cant live without. if you dont start with that what are you going to end up with? I say fall Head over Heels. Find someone you can LOVE LIKE CRAZY and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find them. Forget your head and listen to your heart"
its
funny
how
you
feel
so
much,
but you cannot say a word
At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place. But believe us when we tell you there is more good in it than bad. And what may seem like a series of unfortunate events may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey.
It’s like seeing someone for the first time, and you
look at each other for a few seconds, and there’s this
kind of recognition like you both know something. Next
moment the person’s gone, and it’s too late to do
anything about it.Don’t make me wait for you.
Because you’re way past missing her.
I should’ve expected this…
As someone once said, you can have anything in life if you sacrifice everything else for it. Nothing comes without a price, so before you go into battle you should decide how much you’re willing to lose. Going after what feels good sometimes means letting go of what’s right. And when we choose to go into battle, we can handle the sacrifice.
I turned around three times and wound up at your doorNow you say you know all you did not know beforeAnd I offer no sympathy for thatI hear that it was you who died aloneAnd I offer no sympathy for thatBetter off I sparkle on my ownAnd someday love will find me in the roughSomeday love will finally be enoughYou’re cynical and beautifulYou always make a sceneYou’re monochrome deliriousYou’re nothing that you seemI’m drowning in your vanityYour laugh is a diseaseYou’re dirty and you’re sweetYou know you’re everything to me
I didn't want it to end like this. I didn't want to lose what we've lost.And the roadThe old man pavedThe broken seems along the wayThe rusted signs, left just for meHe was guiding me, love, his own wayNow the man of the hour is taking his final bowAs the curtain comes downI feel that this is just goodbye for now
As you turned to walk away I saw another look in your eye
And even though it hurt like it did I couldn't let this be a goodbye
You say that your sorry and you say that it hurts you the same
Is there something here to believe or is it just another part of the game?Theres something I can see
Theres something living in the way you smile
Behind those eyes, you lie
And theres nothing I can say
Cause Im never gonna change your mind
Behind those eyes, you hide__behind those eyes, you lie
__behind those eyes, you hideI hope someday I can see past what you have become
And I remember everytime I said I'd never leave
But what I can't live with is memories of the way you used to beAnd God it hurts me
To think of you for the light in your eyes was gone
And sometimes I don't know why
This old world can't leave well enough alone
I'm just asking you to hear me.
could you PLEASE; just once; just hear me?
more than anything, you wanted to be right.
still it's you i can't deny.
And you said that maybe this could be something,
Well I'll take something over nothing any day
But I'm scared, 'cause you know these things fall apart
Are you beginning to get get my point
They're always fighting with aching joints
It's doing nothing but tire us out
No one knows what this fight's about
The answer phone, the lonely sound of your voice
Frozen in time.
I only need the compass that you gave me
to guide me on
And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
yeah, men and mascara always run
For once I want to be the car crash
Not always just the traffic jam
Hit me hard enough to wake me
And lead me wild to your dark roads
Headlights before me
So beautiful so clear
Reach out and take it
Cause I'm so tired of all this fearI'm in a paradox
Caught between thanking you and hating you
Sway me.
It's not that I don't care, I do. Care. I just can't tell you what you wanna hear. Which seems to be a theme in my life right now. Just because you can't say something doesn't mean you don't want to, you can want to very much. You can be with a person and be happy with them and not love them. And you can love somebody and not want to be with them. You don't need to love someone to want them. Now that's frustrating, when what your brain tells you you want and what you actually want don't match up. It's exhausting. And, well, it's complicated. But that's life. And life...sucks. -
seeing if this thing works...
i'm just making this for myself. i like finding quotes. and i need a place to put them.. not looking for a pretty profile or anything like that. just my quotes that i find and like! :)
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